Thursday, 15 May 2014

Bed time stalling from a five year old

Our son is a master of bedtime stalling.  I have no idea why - he loves his bed and always falls asleep in minutes!  The poem below contains some of the gems he comes out with, just to get out of getting ready for bed after his bath.  Exacerbated - much!

Time to get out of the bath now boy
But Mum, I haven't finished playing with this toy!
Your day is very nearly done, it's bedtime soon
But Mum, look, these bath letters spell the 'moon'!

Pull the plug son, it's over there
But Mum, look up, is that a spider, or some of your hair?
Get out of the bath son, it's called the ceiling
But Mum I can't get out, I can't stop kneeling

Why ever not?  Don't be in a tizz
But Mum, my legs really are frozen like this,
They're not frozen, get out or I might...
But Mum, bedtime's simply not possible tonight

Get out of the bath son, it's drying time
Forget it Mum, this place is divine
Get out of the bath before I call Dad
Yes Mum, call him, these frozen legs are bad.

I won't tell you again, get out of the bath, now
But Mum, I can't, I don't want to be dry
Mum's tired and my patience is thin, come on!
But Mum, this is important, err, hang on.

Not now son, I'm pulling you out
AAAaaaahhhhH! Mum, that makes me shout
Stay in there longer and you'll turn wrinkly like that
But Mum, I can't see the bath mat!

Now you're out get your pyjamas on
Oh but Mum, all my energy's gone
Put them on, I won't tell you again
I simply can't Mum, it's such a pain

Now.  I mean it, this is making me cross
But Mum, let me tell you about today's class
That's nice son, but really, not now
But Mum, word of the day in school was 'how'

I don't want to talk about how, get yourself dressed
But Mum, lunch was a wrap, followed by Eton Mess
Put them on son, PUT THEM ON THIS SECOND
But Mum, why do I have so many school lessons?

If you don't put your pyjamas on, I'll do it myself
Good idea Mum, but I can't move again, please help.
I'm grabbing you now, lie down there still
But Mum I'm not a baby, I'll do it myself, I will!

Right clean teeth time, where's your brush?
But Mum, tell me how do toilets flush?
Not now son, clean those teeth
But Mum, what happened to my old car seat?

It doesn't matter now, just brush your pegs
But Mum, oh no, my frozen legs!
You don't need your legs, use your arms
Oh no Mum, they're frozen too - argh!

I mean it son, I'm getting very mad
Mum why is telling lies bad?
OK Mum, I will - eek!

I'm doing it now son, I can't wait any longer
But Mum, I was doing it, please brush softer
Right.  Now, rinse your mouth
It's impossible Mum, I'm stuck here in this house.

Will you hurry up, it's taken 20 minutes
Yes Mum, by the way, what did your lunch box have in it?
What does it matter? Now RINSE YOUR MOUTH
Yes Mum, yes, there's no need to shout

Right then, in your bed
Hmm, what story will fill my head?
Shall I have a look son, something quick so I can go
I know, I know, Mum, how about Mr Slow?

Goodnight son, I love you so
Goodnight Mum, can I have a drink please?

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